Loneliness

This is something I struggle with daily. Loneliness is a vile monster that rips at you and coils around your soul. It makes me feel trapped.

For most of my life, I’ve barely had real friends. I was always a loner. I always felt like no one could be my friend. Like I was a repellent. Loneliness took hold of me. It’s something that my depersonalization (DP) uses to send me into an episode (I usually call it an attack.)

It’s painful to feel lonely. So I’ve learned to live with it. Some days are easier than others. But once the end of the day rolls around, it gets harder. For me, my only way of communication (that I’m comfortable with) is online. My online friends are amazing. I’m happy to have them. But loneliness doesn’t care. It still finds a way to drag me down.

And it’s ironic. We know our thoughts lie to us. But yet we end up believing them. It’s an endless cycle.

It’s not about fighting off the thoughts or figuring everything out. You’ll just stress yourself out doing that. You have to have acceptance. Accept that this is the way it is. Even if it’s temporary. The thing that I do to cope with mostly everything, is to appreciate the beautiful world around me. Even if I can’t see it.

We are all so lucky to be able to live. To see this world. Of course there’s bad, but we can experience the good. I love the ocean and the beach. I’ve never really been to one but they’re beautiful. And when I reflect on that beauty, I feel better. Maybe not 100%, but I feel a little better.

This world is hard to live in. But this is the only Earth in all of existence. Even when I’m lonely, there’s still a beautiful Earth we all call home. I hope there is something you can use when you feel lonely. You don’t need a cure all remedy. You just need something to feel at ease.

I hope you all have a wonderful day! 💜